Table for 1

When you think about someone who asks for a table for one, you usually think about a lonely old man or someone who just got broken up with. Since I’m not an old man nor going through a breakup, I never really considered going out to eat alone and having to request a table for one. But maybe I’ll want to try a new restaurant one day and there’s no one around to go with me so I’ll have to go alone. So I channeled my inner old man and went out for breakfast all by myself.

Like the horror maze, this was another activity that I was trying to talk myself out of. When an old man goes out to eat by himself, people don’t really question that at all. However, when a 21 year old girl who looks like she’s 16 sits down by herself, it draws a little more attention. I started feeling a little better about it when I decided where I was going to go. I picked a breakfast place I’ve been to a few times before called Amy’s Omelette House. I knew I wanted to go out for breakfast or lunch because that is more of a casual meal than going out for dinner. Also, breakfast is my favorite meal and I love going to a diner or cute breakfast place. The past few times I went to Amy’s it wasn’t very crowded and it was mostly older customers so I knew I wouldn’t feel as judged by them for being alone.

Before leaving I packed up a tote bag with a few things to keep me busy while there. My biggest concern was what I was going to do in between ordering and waiting for my food. I could only picture myself staring at a wall or going on my phone. I knew I didn’t want to spend the whole time on my phone because that adds a whole other sad factor to sitting alone at a restaurant. I also felt like it pretty much defeated the whole purpose of going out to eat because I would just be doing the same thing I do when I sit at home. I ended up packing my actual purse, my school notebook, a pencil, and a book (which will be used for a later blog post so stay tuned).

When I got there, I was looking around to see if there were a lot of people around. I didn’t want to be standing by myself if there was a wait but I also wanted to make sure I wasn't going to be the only person in the place. That didn’t last too long though before I said “Whatever” and just walked in anyway because I was already there. I gotta follow through no matter what.

I didn’t want to say the cliche “table for one” line because that’s just cringe and sad so instead I tried to soften the blow and said “just one”. The woman sat me right away. It wasn't super crowded but there were little groups. There are booths against the walls and a bunch of tables in the middle. THANKFULLY, she gave me a booth that was right in the corner so a perfect spot for me to hide in and watch over people. If I was at a table by myself right in the middle of the place I probably would’ve walked right out. It was also the booth right next to the door to the kitchen so I heard the hostess back there say “one at table [insert whatever table number I was here]”. I don’t know what it was but for some reason her saying that made me think “damn”. Maybe it’s just the fact that someone else announced it made me feel a little embarrassed, even though the people in the kitchen and I are the only ones who heard it.

The waitress came right over and gave me a menu and some water. I ordered coffee too because I figured if I’m by myself I may as well spice it up a little. When she left I just spent time looking over the menu. There was nothing to stress about yet because this is the normal part of going out to eat. I’m not expected to be talking to anyone or doing anything yet because I have the menu to shield me and give me something to do. When she came back with the coffee, I placed my order right away…now I wasn’t sure what to do.

This would usually be the part where you’re talking to whoever you came with. You already decided what you want and you’re not preoccupied by eating so you have free time. Again, I didn’t want to be on my phone because it seems very disconnected. I immediately pulled out my notebook and tried to think of something to write about. I guess you could say that looking down at my notebook and writing the whole time might also defeat the purpose of going out to eat because I’m not looking around, but at least it’s more productive than mindlessly scrolling. I started making bullets of my experiences for exactly what I’m typing right now. Then, I switched to drafting ideas for an upcoming project I have in one of my classes. The entire time I was writing I was scared that the staff might have thought I was a critic or something. I saw a video once of a guy who went to a restaurant with a notebook and pretended he was a critic and got special treatment from the staff because of it. I was also scared to take pictures and videos because of this, which is why some of the pictures might be framed weird or really close to the table (I was trying to take them quickly when no one was looking). I think I was too young and scared looking to have to worry about that though.

The food actually came out pretty quick. I honestly expected it to because of how empty it was and how quickly they took my order and brought out the coffee. I put my notebook aside and finally had something normal to do again. I got a breakfast combo that came with 4 pancakes, bacon, a sausage, and eggs. It’s basic but meals like that are my favorite kind because I get a little bit of everything that I love. Once I started eating I honestly wished that I had gotten it with a waffle instead of pancakes (because there was the choice of pancakes, waffle, or French toast) because I’m more of a waffle person, but I still like pancakes too.

I tried to take my time eating, but I was pretty hungry so it felt like I was eating really fast. There was also no conversation to engage in to slow me down so I just kept eating. Obviously, this made me full pretty fast but I was trying hard to eat as much as I could. I was also trying to drink the coffee too because I had the full pot to myself but it was a lot all at once. After realizing I was getting full too fast and slowing down a bit, I finally gave up and asked for a box. I knew right when she put the plate down that there was no way I was finishing all 4 pancakes, even after eating one I was already getting full. The waitress brought me back a box and the check, so after packing up my 3 pancakes I was good to go.

Another fear of mine when going out in general, even with other people, is whether the waiter will come back to take the check or whether you go up to the cashier. There are some places where it’s obvious that they’ll come back for it but other places could go either way. Thankfully since I’ve been there before I knew that you pay at the cashier on the way out. Of course, however, I always second guess myself so I took my time finishing my coffee, packing up my pancakes, and putting away the rest of my stuff just to see if the waitress ever came back for the check. Since she didn’t I knew I was originally right so I walked to the cashier. I did my quick transition and my lonely breakfast was done!

It honestly wasn’t that bad eating alone. Of course I was self conscious the whole time and was hoping someone would ask why I was alone just so I could explain and justify myself. But them not asking just proves even more that no one cares. Sure, maybe they are thinking that it’s sad that I’m alone but I’ll never know, so it shouldn’t matter. I tell myself that knowing full well that I still care and feel uncomfortable, but hey that’s the point of this blog and I just have to keep working at it before I truly don’t care about it anymore. Anyway that was a deep twist. Regardless, I enjoyed my breakfast and I didn’t need other people there to eat a good meal. It absolutely helped that I already knew the place, it wasn’t very crowded or closed in, and that there wasn’t anyone my age there to judge me, but I still did it.

Now I’m prepared for when I actually am an old woman eating by myself.